i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
im holly from the hills drunk
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
