we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
