Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
