i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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