You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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