if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize