I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm too high and old for this...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
