that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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