RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
