I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Boobs are out for the taking
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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