What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
