we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
