May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
