All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
