woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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