Sponge bath it is.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
