Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
