You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
