Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
