Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
