I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
