overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
