I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize
