I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
