i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
