It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
