my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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