I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
