Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
