Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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