Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Randomize