her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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