so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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