I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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