Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
