she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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