trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
