Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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