She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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