I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
