Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
