Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
