Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
