but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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