I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
