I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I am midnight drunk by noon
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize