I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
