This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Randomize
