it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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