You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
