Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Hippo gnu deer
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
