Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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