They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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