we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
