We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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