You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
