Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
