I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
