and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize