I accidentally burped into my bong.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
