ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
