its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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