u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
