Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
