I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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